The Frictionless Fiction Faction

I believe in fiction. I am fiction. Fiction is and fiction shall be. Reality and the absolute are nice anchors for those who get dizzy going down rabbit holes. But, when one realizes that these anchors are stuck in sand which is always shifting on a world which is always spinning in universe that is (at present) expanding, maybe even embedded in a bubbling cauldron of parallel universes. What is real? The truth is stranger than fiction, but what if the truth is fiction? Did we invent the world or did the world invent us?

According to wikipedia, "Fiction, from the Latin fingere to create, fictum created, is anything imaginatively invented, a feigned existence, event, or state of things.".

Life as we know it is surely invented, not always imaginatively, but nonetheless created out of the void. Our system of government and economy are human inventions, as is hot pastrami on rye. Funny how money seems real and wars seem just and the harsh realities of the work-week are accepted as necessary. Religion, fact or fiction, let's not even go there, a sly smile will suffice. Is that really a green tangerine? Or is it just a specific wavelength of photons triggering a chemical reaction in my brain, producing a perception of color, begging the question of whether color exists without an observer. Fact and fiction are complex distinctions to say the least. And then there is the human ego. What fun! Do you believe in you as a separate entity, an "I" floating in a sea of "them". That is perhaps the biggest fiction of them all. The individual. We create ourselves and then trick ourselves into thinking that there really is a self. I am nobody. Who are you?

Spin some fiction and add it to the reality of our shared dreamstate.

Fictional novels and movies are put in a separate realm from non-fiction. Supposedly non-fictional things really happened or somehow better represent reality. But fiction often creates reality. My iPhone is an example. That is surely a magical fictional device from some futuristic barely imagined society. So why am I holding it? We dreamed it and then created it. Want to walk on water? Just think it, activating a neural shunt, which in turn engages a mag-lev bubble around you and "voila" -- you can walk on water or up the side of a building. Fiction? Today, maybe, tomorrow, certainly not. Okay, but a fictional novel has fictional people who never existed playing in an artificial reality. Again, fiction creates the non-fiction, in a way. Let's say I read about some heroic savior of mankind in a twisted apocalyptic view of the world and integrate his fictional persona in my real persona. Is he a bit less fictional because he lives in me, or am I a bit less real because I borrowed from fiction? If I save a fellow traveller from a nasty fate, is it any less real because the part of me that acted heroic was influenced by a fictional character in a fictional work of fiction? And what about memory. Recreating an event, whether it happened two seconds ago or two centuries ago is not particularly real or the truth. Facts get twisted, things are remembered in creative ways. Does anybody really know what time it is?

Reality bites. When a building falls on me during an earthquake and I get crushed into non-existence, that is real, right? When a mouse looks at me as it runs past going uphill and I follow, avoiding the brunt of the tsunami and thus saving my life, that is real, right? When I send the imaginary invaders into my bloodstream to attack the bacterial germies that are warring with my internal empire and live to laugh another day, that is fiction, right?

Don't ask, don't tell. That is okay for now. I will live in a world of reality and pretend that all is what it seems, for I do not have much of a clue as to what is real and what is not. Don't want to rock the boat too much, lest it capsizes.  I'll accept the shared delusion, at least enough to get by. When our eyes meet, I will smile and say Namaste, or "the light that is within me bows to the light that is within you".  Shine on you crazy diamond.

Okay, sure, non-fiction (reality, the TRUTH, the real world, cold hard steel) has its place. If we all believed in fiction and questioned the realness of reality, unrestrained chaos and insanity would ensue. So, it is best to believe in what is real and keep what is not in its place. But, deep inside, always tend to the fire of imagination, piling salty driftwood on the coals and watching the colored sparks as they reach into the black sky.

Dream on...

The Middle Path of Competition

I hate competition, but don't know how to be non-competitive. I've been fighting with this since I was in college, maybe earlier. A part of me is entrenched in the "knowledge is power" mindset. If I know something that my competition doesn't, there is a better chance that I will get ahead. There is, of course, some truth in that way of thinking. But, taken to an extreme, it is a very lonely and almost aggressive way to live.

This issue has reared its ugly head again as I delve into iPhone programming. So much of what I learn I get from the kindness of others. People who found a cool technique or solution to a particular problem and wrote about it in a blog or an online forum. Their shared knowledge is helping me. And I want to give back. A case in point ... I recently spent (wasted is a better word) two days trying to figure out how to get a particular view animation to work properly. After scouring the net, I stumbled, almost by accident, on the solution. I know that others are having (or will have) this problem and it might be nice to share my knowledge. So why is some little voice saying, "no ... keep it quiet" -- If I hold onto it, my app might look just a tiny bit nicer than some others. Maybe just enough to help me gain some sales. This specific example is a bit contrived (this issue was a minor cosmetic thing, but it bugged me enough to find a solution).

Sharing seems to be a big part of the development community I find myself participating in. In particular, Mac developers seem to really like to share, more-so than I remember Windows developers sharing.  Maybe on a par with the worlds of open source stuff.  They seem to be a very welcoming bunch, all things considered.  As an almost amusing case-in-point, are two developers who produce Twitter clients for the iPhone. Technically they are direct competitors, yet they openly acknowledge each other, share ideas, and even give congrats on releases and such. Maybe this whole little drama is (or will become) a "test" of sorts for me. A little zen thing, a hurdle to overcome, whatever, on my path towards slowly becoming a better person. Maybe I will slowly open up. I doubt I will make much progress in this until after I release my first app. I've got to feel like I've got something behind me before I start opening up.

Like so many things in life, the proper path is a middle one. If one is too open, it is hard to survive and prosper.  Too closed, and nothing gets done (we are an inherently social species).  Take college professors. They share knowledge, but they are also firecely ego driven and strive to get research or findings published before their peers. It is a balancing act. Knowledge is power, yes, but giving a little knowledge often yields more knowledge and the warm feel-good glow of sharing helps make living in our competitive society somewhat more bearable.

NOW What?

I strive to exert maximum mental energy in the present moment rather than focusing on past and/or future mindfucks. This isn't always easy, but when I am able to do it, I feel at peace. And connected to the universe. In that connectedness, I lose my fears and experience existence as a warm wave of light and energy. I am far from maintaining any rarified mystical states of existence, as I am but a fool on the hill, grinning as I watch my own efforts to be free.

To my way of seeing things, the past and future are useful, but only to a point. Sure, the past helps us to learn and gives context to a rich life tapestry. But, it is much too easy to get trapped in the past. Whether the past being focused on is good or bad, it doesn't matter. It is a trick of the mind that keeps you out of the present moment if you stay there too long. And, what about the future? Sure, it is cool, it lets you plan and make dreams come true. But, sometimes the planning and dreaming take up too big a slice of attention and then the moment is lost.

I guess if I have to be somewhere other than "now" the future is a better choice than the past. The past is gone, nothing but a memory and memories aren't quite as static and real as some think.  Most agree that the past really happened. But it is always an interpretation of memories and external clues that recreate our pasts.  Have you ever seen Total Recall or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?  My point exactly.  Anyway, at least the future is unwritten (assuming you don't believe in absolute destiny). The past is depressing. The future is an open book. And now just is.

The past sometimes eats at me, but I am working on letting go of it. It never makes me feel good when I think about it. If it was something good, I miss it. If it was something bad, I dread it. Other things I want to change, but of course can not.

The future is, I hope, good. A sense of optimism washes through me. Even when I am bleak with depression I still have a teensy twinge of optimism holding things together.  I am attempting to create my own reality and desire to shape that reality into a big Cheshire cat grin.  The future is a tool, a construct of the mind that helps us shape the river of our life.  But even if "the future" sucks, it doesn't help to dwell on it or to live there instead of here, in the moment when my fingers are typing (oooh ... it feels so bizarre to type and be aware of it as I type ... kind of tingly).

But, to get to that future (what future, man, there is only the now!), I must stay rooted in the now. Remember, grasshopper, it is the journey and not the destination. And, for the most part, I'm enjoying the ride :-)